Many leaders pride themselves on being cool-headed and rational, striving to keep feelings out of their decision-making. . In the pressure of executive life, they might push aside fear, frustration, or doubt, thinking that emotions have no place in the boardroom. The intent is understandable. No one wants to be seen as volatile or letting feelings cloud judgment. But suppressed emotions don’t vanish; they linger beneath the surface and influence how we lead. Those unacknowledged feelings often resurface in unexpected and costly ways. Ironically, by pretending not to feel, a leader can lose subtle control over decisions and behavior.
The Sabotage of Suppression: Emotions that you push down will find other outlets. A CEO who refuses to admit anxiety about a risky initiative might start endlessly delaying decisions or demanding excessive data to soothe unease. A leader who constantly swallows frustration to maintain a calm facade may leak anger through snippy emails, micromanagement, or a general moodiness the team can sense. The leader believes they act perfectly logically, but suppressed emotions quietly steer the ship. One hidden cost is distorted decision-making. If you unconsciously fear failure, you might veto bold proposals for reasons that seem rational but really stem from fear. Suppressed emotions can masquerade as objective decisions, leading you away from the best course of action.
Emotional suppression also affects your team and culture. Colleagues and employees often sense when something is off, even if you never voice it. A chronically stressed-but-silent leader creates a climate of anxiety. People walk on eggshells, unsure what brews beneath the surface.
Trust and openness suffer when the team perceives the boss as a powder keg or emotionally unreachable. If you don’t stay in touch with your own emotions, others cannot fully connect with you. That erodes collaboration. Problems may go unspoken and unaddressed because everyone avoids triggering the unacknowledged feelings in the room.
Feel It, Don’t Fuel It – Separating Emotions from Actions:A crucial leadership skill is learning to feel your emotions without letting them hijack your behavior. “Don’t let emotions control you” isn’t the same as “don’t have emotions.” It means that when you feel anger, fear, or upset, you acknowledge it internally and then choose a measured response.
Start by naming what you feel, at least to yourself. For example: “I’m angry that our plan got criticized.” Simply labeling an emotion can take some of its power away. Then ask yourself why you feel that way and pinpoint the cause. Maybe your pride was hurt, or you worry the critique has merit. By understanding the trigger, you can address the real issue. You might think, “I’m frustrated because I feel unappreciated,” which gives useful insight. Now you can respond thoughtfully, perhaps by having a calm conversation about expectations or taking a short break to cool down. The key is this: you feel the emotion, but you don’t let it dictate a snap action. You create a gap to decide your response.
Why Emotional Awareness Pays Off: Emotional awareness is not a touchy-feely bonus; it’s a strategic asset and a cornerstone of effective leadership development.
. When you’re conscious of your emotional state, you can spot suppressed emotions early and prevent them from shaping poor decisions. It’s like noticing a color tint on your glasses. Once you see it, you can adjust for it.
I’ve seen executives realize that their strong aversion to a proposal wasn’t pure logic; it was driven by an unspoken fear of change. Admitting the fear allowed them to evaluate the proposal on its merits, leading to a better-informed decision. They proceeded with the idea while addressing the specific risk that had scared them. Without that honesty, they might have killed a good initiative for gut reasons they couldn’t explain. Likewise, when you acknowledge, “I’m feeling defensive about this feedback,” you can consciously set that defensiveness aside and consider the feedback objectively. Emotional clarity leads to clearer thinking.
Furthermore, when you handle your own emotions openly yet calmly, you set a healthy tone for your organization. If a leader can say, “I am disappointed in these results, and yes, it’s frustrating, but let’s focus on solutions,” it shows the team that it’s okay to feel yet remain constructive. You model that emotions are normal and manageable. This encourages your team to surface concerns and address them, rather than hide problems or feelings until they boil over. In an environment where people see that even the boss acknowledges emotions and handles them responsibly, others are more likely to speak up early, admit mistakes, or offer new ideas without fear. The whole team benefits because communication is real and unimpeded by hidden emotional undercurrents.
How to Process Emotions (Instead of Suppressing Them):
- Regular Self-Check: Build a routine of checking in with yourself. Spend a few minutes journaling or reflecting each day or week. Ask, “What emotions have been prominent for me lately? Why might I be feeling this way?” Writing down “I felt angry during that project update” can help you start resolving it. Bringing these feelings into the open prevents them from becoming blindspots.
- Find a Safe Outlet: Identify a confidant or practice that lets you vent or explore emotions safely. This could be an executive coach, mentor, or peer leader. Or you could use a physical outlet like exercise. Release pressure in a healthy way. Talking candidly to someone you trust can prevent emotional overload later. A vigorous run or hitting the gym burns off stress hormones and clears your head. Choose a go-to method to process intense feelings before they seep into your leadership actions.
- Pause Before Reacting: When a situation triggers a strong emotion, give yourself permission to pause. If you get an infuriating email, wait before responding. If a meeting becomes heated, suggest a short break. Use the pause to take a few deep breaths and recalibrate. Even a few minutes can dial down the intensity of suppressed emotions, allowing your rational mind to re-engage. After a pause, you might still find the issue important, but you can address it in a more level-headed way. Delaying until the emotional spike passes prevents temporary feelings from causing permanent damage. You can avoid many conflicts or regrettable decisions this way.
Lead with Emotional Clarity: Being a leader doesn’t mean being emotionless; it means developing self-awareness and discipline to handle your emotions wisely. Facing your feelings instead of burying them helps you gain control. You can acknowledge, “I’m nervous about this decision,” without letting that nervousness rule you. Instead, use your emotions as data. Maybe they highlight a risk to mitigate, then proceed with a clear head. Leading with emotional clarity makes your decision-making more authentic and sound. It also makes your leadership more sustainable and rewarding.
You no longer expend energy keeping a lid on a pressure cooker. Instead, direct that energy towards creative solutions and genuine connections with your team. When you stop running from your suppressed emotions, you lead with far more wisdom, resilience, and authenticity. That benefits both you and your organization.
